Marissa's Choice

Firstly, I'm getting really annoyed with people asking my relationship status with a tone of rushing me.

Like, CAN I LIVE? Happily single whilst getting my character and life together, instead of just being with someone just because. .. or no? *crickets*

Real reason?

You ever been afraid to be with someone out of how you are with God?
For instance, I don't this I can treat some one else how they deserve to be treated if I don't even treat God, how He deserves.

Like, I'm bad with communication (funny thing is I've ended most of my relationships over the same thing- poor communication )
Anywho, I don't always consistently talk with those I important to me. Same goes with my relationship with God. I don't always talk to Him as often as I should and because I know better and it's difficult for me to do so....if I can't communicate properly to the One person I should get it right with, how then will I with another?

Maybe it's a first naturally then spiritually thing. Or did I just twist that for my own sanity?

I just want my heart and character to be right. I want to properly be the crown of my husband. Especially, when I don't believe in divorce. So it can't just be anyone. Let's prevent  both of miserable and anxious for death to do us part.

If I were my enemy, I'd distract me too. Throw off my entire focus & thought process. Hinder my prayer life, take away my appetite to read the one that I can't live without.

When you know your enemy, you know his methods, you know how to counter attack and look to Jesus for strength to continue. You'd think by knowing these things my walk with Christ should be 100.

Yet since last week till now has been nothing short of a battle. On and off. On and off. As though Isaiah 36:4-5 (NIV) is being yelled.
  "On what are you basing this confidence of yours?...on whom are you depending, that you rebel against me?"
Which leaves me thinking "what is going on or about to birth that the enemy is fighting me so much lately?"

The only thing that comes to mind is my intimacy with God. I sincerely don't think I've ever made it this far, this close. Normally, I'd get distracted and stumble and set back by the same thing lust and feel like I'd have to start over. However, this time around the familiar wasn't the case. I didn't care about anything other than God. 'I just want You' by Travis Greene has been my anthem and anything short of God is dismissed from my vision.

Or progress, starting the fashion/lifestyle blog has been a dream and I'm DONE procrastinating. Steps and positive progress has been made. The spirit of failure and defeat is rebuked and bound. It's all working out (heyy! Romans 8:28! I see what You did there Jesus lol)

Then again, it may very well not be about me. It could be about the lives of others that's attached to walking this path and recently learning the meaning & power of intercession. That the battle could very well be to distract & delay my walk to hinder others.

I don't know. What I do know is that I'm tired, but my God is strong. I do know that my enemy is anxious and plotting but my God is greater and a strategic planner. I mean, if He wasn't the enemy would have know not to have Christ persecuted. Isaiah 37:26-29 was God's comeback to Isaiah 36:4-5, I died laughing. Like Lord, the sass lol!

Anywho in the end, the victory belongs to the Lord. It is not of my strength or "power", but the Christ in me. Come on now, "greater is He that's in me than he that's in the world!" In case you've forgotten the Majesty of my Father look to Isaiah 40.

Focus.

"Be diligent or have yourself a seat & find yourself."- Richard L. Taylor. Reading that quote 20 mins ago, reminded me that I am indeed in a battle. That I do know how to fight back, so why aren't I? That there are souls attached to me running the race and well. So it's time for me to stop taking these hits , fight back (in Jesus' name ) and keep moving forward.