Marissa's Choice

                                                                     
                                                                     God did it all.

When He's so amazing , He loves you more than you love yourself.
That the nature of His love nurtures all that was put to sleep by worldly scars.

When His hand is heavy up on you and He moves you across the board of this world like the Queen in chess. When your enemy temporarily makes you feel inadequate- He shows you, He can move you anywhere He deems. He's above all . He is all.

He's my life. The love of everything that keeps you alive.

When this world has executed you more than once.
When the people of this world who breaks the innocence in you, who breaks the joy in you, the inability to properly love.
With God, I become kintsugi.
His love, worth more than gold,makes the millions of pieces of me whole.
When you lose a dream and dont realize it until the last minute at 25, where you feel there cant possibly be more. you cant possibly do anything great past here.

Then in a dream in the middle of the night, He opens you up and in this hidden path, this hidden area of your heart, He planted a new seed.
It was being watered.
When you're down to doubt, He shows you it's sprout.
There. A new purpose.
A new dream to dream.

How great is our GOD.
How He strategically had Moses hidden in the basket and kept Him.
How He brought Christ naturally in the world - and fulfilled the purpose.
Had the enemy knew, He would not have been after Christ.
He would not have let Christ take the keys of hell and defeat death.

There's always a way. Unknown to the enemy, unknown to man only seen when God reveals.
 Job 27:8  No bird of prey knows that hidden path, no falcon’s eye has seen it.
 Job 27:21 It is hidden from the eyes of every living thing, concealed even from the birds in the sky.
IF the enemy knew this new he wouldn't have tried to kill me, take my dream, diminish my purpose.

GREAT.  GREAT is my Father

Psalm 113:5 Who is like unto the LORD our God, who dwelleth on high,

Note: this journal entry is about 2 months old. Still, it's a long lines of moments in celibacy others don't talk about. If it helps you, cool. If not, I hope it was a great read for you.

My friend and I seem to go through the same things in a week span apart. She'd over come the temptation of lust last night, yet just last week I had to Txt her concerning how bad I wanted to sleep with this one guy? That following week, sex with him was the only thing I could think about. I forced myself to be busy with clients, my blogs and shopping so I could think of other things. Anything other the craving I had of him . Later, as usual a split road is presented before me and I'd hear Christ saying "just choose Me" it is more than enough to overcome any battle. It's basically Jesus saying "you can't win this on your own Tag Me in." Isaiah 41:13 (Hopefully you guys are aware of tag team wrestling. Btw, The Rock or Undertaker anyday ) Anywho, just choosing Christ alone is more than enough. Plus, I really didn't want to go through the same process of conviction (which is my favorite feeling, but that's a different topic ) feeling guilty (aka Satan's audacity to rub it in), having to repent for something I knew I shouldn't have done, having God forgive me (for the same thing for the 300th time ) and taking myself double the time to forgive myself. I consistently tell God how much I love Him. Then I think of how love is a verb-an ACTION word . I want to say it, SHOW it and mean it. John 14:15 "If you love me, keep my commands." NIV What also helped was reading more, being transparent and honest to God about what I'm feeling and fasting. Because fasting disciplines your flesh! Whether for an hour, 3 hours or a day. Isaiah 58-6 “ Is this not the fast that I have chosen: To loose the bonds of wickedness, To undo the heavy burdens, To let the oppressed go free, And that you break every yoke? "

That's what makes lust/sin so frightening . 

Well, since I need something to write on and I really want a prayer journal (which I'm still going to search for because I really want one and to enrich my prayer life 7fold.) But I don't know what to expect from today, I'm nervous. All in all however everything goes I'm going to trust You. You who have kept me from so much including myself. You who have never foresaken me just as Your word says You wouldn't. You who know the entirety of my heart. Who know my ways and wrong doing before I do them and while I do them and STILL love me the same. You who loves me so much You correct me because You sincerely want the best for me! You who loves me like no other will ever! You who loved me since the unction, the idea of me entered your mind. You who have saved me from my own mind. Who gave me meaning. you who give mean multiple reasons to live. You who saved me not only from my multiple methods of ending myself. You who have blessed me with the thought of You. You who have blessed me with a relationship with you. It'a true indeed that we do not find You but it is You who chooses us. I would not exist without You. I would not know Love without You, I would not know Life without You. You are indeed the lover of my soul. Whichever You choose to go Lord I want to follow. I think it is officially within me to stalk You wherever You go. So whatever happens today. Your my choice, I love you. However south they go, I KNOW You have a plan. Your plans are perfect. Anything Your Awesomeness put Hands to is perfect. I trust You. I'll look to You. Hold my hand. Yesterday, before I listened to music, there was the oddest warmth on my hand. As though someone wanted my attention, just to hold my hand. Nothing else needed to be said or done, but You just held my hand. I thought what I thought and didn't dwell on it, but now thank You. My Love! Thank you for showing me You're here. As always. Closer than ever. I love you too!