Marissa's Choice

It's not that deep to go club/bar hoppin' EVERY. WEEKEND.
  Do y'all not get tired of doing the same thing every weekend.

Try something different: Read a book, plan travel destinations and go, take a sushi class, go to a paintball field  & war it out w/your friends  Something other than the usual.
I actually like reading, plus there's a snow storm going on in chicago rn that I'm not too happy about.  Not surprised, because it is Chicago after all.  Just not too chipper about it.

Anywho. ..

Sweetie this book , some tea and fuzzy socks are EVERYTHING over destroying my liver & having some random think it's ok to just dance up on me & touch me. No, sweetie,  I'm cool right here.

But yall enjoy your Saturday

Well, since I need something to write on and I really want a prayer journal (which I'm still going to search for because I really want one and to enrich my prayer life 7fold.) But I don't know what to expect from today, I'm nervous. All in all however everything goes I'm going to trust You. You who have kept me from so much including myself. You who have never foresaken me just as Your word says You wouldn't. You who know the entirety of my heart. Who know my ways and wrong doing before I do them and while I do them and STILL love me the same. You who loves me so much You correct me because You sincerely want the best for me! You who loves me like no other will ever! You who loved me since the unction, the idea of me entered your mind. You who have saved me from my own mind. Who gave me meaning. you who give mean multiple reasons to live. You who saved me not only from my multiple methods of ending myself. You who have blessed me with the thought of You. You who have blessed me with a relationship with you. It'a true indeed that we do not find You but it is You who chooses us. I would not exist without You. I would not know Love without You, I would not know Life without You. You are indeed the lover of my soul. Whichever You choose to go Lord I want to follow. I think it is officially within me to stalk You wherever You go. So whatever happens today. Your my choice, I love you. However south they go, I KNOW You have a plan. Your plans are perfect. Anything Your Awesomeness put Hands to is perfect. I trust You. I'll look to You. Hold my hand. Yesterday, before I listened to music, there was the oddest warmth on my hand. As though someone wanted my attention, just to hold my hand. Nothing else needed to be said or done, but You just held my hand. I thought what I thought and didn't dwell on it, but now thank You. My Love! Thank you for showing me You're here. As always. Closer than ever. I love you too!

The next few post coming up are entries  that I've written in a previous season of my life and never got around to posting them.
Sorry, but I'm back.
I needed meet up with life and get material .

Sooo, I'm currently away from my journal and I need to upchuck some thoughts that are physically making me sick. Here, right now, all proper English diction and punctuation rules are on vacation so don't judge me for lack thereof if you're reading this.

I met this person a week ago. She's funny, crazy, outgoing and stylish like me. However, she seems to be the tails to my heads on a coin. She's the bad side of me. The old me and some parts of the bad/worldly me I never got to be. She's the unsaved, trapped by the world, sex feining, money enslaved me.
This is indeed the first time the quote
  "what you don't like about someone else is what you truly dislike about yourself."
Comes into place and is actually true. Is she me? If so, I do AND don't like  the reflection.
I know my thoughts aren't fair. No, I'm not going to "defriend" her because of them. But will I slip and unwillingly/unconsciously become her? I doubt it, I'd like to think I've become stronger in Christ. Less swayed by society.
Main point:
I just don't like that I can identify her-me.

So my blog will be going under construction: name, theme, purpose etc.... the whole sha-bang.

Why?  Because it just occured to me that I'm always going through something and wondering if there's someone going throught what I'm going through right now. By the time you've heard of someone who sat in the same chair you're like : "where were you when I was going through this?" As if the success/escape story was a Secret.
  Meanwhile I'm pondering: is there anyone I can talk to? I mean really talk to that would understand the predicament I'm in. Not only understand because you've studied about it or heard about it. Like, have you actually sat in the situation I'm in. Did you see what I see, hear what I hear, feel how I feel?  oh you did? Ok then, let's talk. Help me to understand...

Then maybe, only then when you say "don't worry, it'll all be ok. It's going to work itself out" I'll actually believe you.

Last night the last two things I watched was Piranha and Beavis & Butthead. However, before those two I watched Wildfire. I finally watched the ending and I was touched; maybe that's what sparked ny dream.
I dreamt that everything was perfect in my life. Not that every implication had met it's solution, but because I was happy. So happy that I cried, but then my tears of joy became of sadness. Because everything was so perfect I couldn't believe it and I hated for it to end.
As I stood there on the altar getting wedded to someone I love with everything within me and having the "ok" from God to finally allow me to feel that way. No guilt to wether it was wrong, no doubt he was the one and no inclination to anything negative. And the  way I felt knowing that I was equally loved back was...impeccable.
I was asked why did I feel that way?  All I remember saying in the dream was: "it's perfect. It's all so perfect and I'm actually happy. I just don't want it to end."

I think in the dream I either tried to push everything away before it got the chance to leave or grabbed hold of everything as if I already expected it to. Infact that's something I actually do.
But why do I think pure happiness is temporary? Or at least for myself?

A gift given then taken.

I don't expect things to always be perfect, but I do expect to always be happy.